Memoir, BIC Reflection

I can’t believe how fast time has passed by. When I look back on the days when I was a freshman, it really feels as if all those memories took place sometime in the near past; those memories come from a slightly obscure place that isn’t exactly fuzzy, yet not exactly crystal clear. I don’t know when I will be able to grasp the concept that I am a senior; my years at Baylor don’t seem like they should be coming to an end.

I remember the my initiation into the college life very well, and although I know that just about every other freshman experienced the same trivial trials, I would like to think that my experience was one that was different from most.

By the time I was a senior in high school I had no idea what I wanted to do for my career. By February I had narrowed down my college choices to two options: Baylor University, or Texas Christian University. After much contemplation, I chose, what seemed to me, the most conservative school and soon began making plans for my orientation and new school year.

One of five children, I am the first to attend a private institution. Driving down to Waco from East Dallas was an exciting trip. My whole family ended up cramming into the suburban so that I may attend my few days of orientation and I could officially join the Baylor Family. I remember going to lecture after lecture on the different programs that Baylor had to offer, and at the end of it, still not knowing what I wanted to do for a living. I must admit, I did not join the Baylor Interdisciplinary Core by choice. It was my dad who signed me up for the task, and at the time I hated him for it. All I knew about this group was that it was different. And different is what I tried to stay away from. As a freshman I wanted to have things go as smoothly as possible. I wanted to fit in with the rest of the crowd and not cause too much attention to myself. And I knew, that this “Baylor Core” group was not popular with all the other freshman. But because my father was the one paying for my education, and because I was told that I couldn’t apply to the Honors College, I had no other choice but to stay in the dreaded program. Sure enough before I knew it, my perception of BIC had changed dramatically.

My freshman year was crazy. Through the advising of Ms. Train, I took a total of 5 BIC classes: Examined Life I, World Cultures I, World of Rhetoric I, World of Rhetoric II, and World Cultures II. My Examined Life class with Dr. Nogalski was awesome. It was during this class that I had met two of my best friends at the time, and it was also the first time in the history of my education that I felt that the teacher had actually cared for her students. There was an extreme passion she demonstrated throughout the semester that showed her dedication to the program and the class. And this was something extremely new to me. To be honest I don’t remember much of what I was supposed to learn in the class, but I do remember that this was the class where I was introduced to the concept of open-discussions. The entire semester was spent in reflection of our thoughts about the current assignment we had, and I had felt that the class was truly focused on the students understanding of the material. During middle school and high school, I did not have a learning environment like this. Most teachers planned their entire school year in methods and lessons that would prepare students to pass the state tests given each year—there was no such passion from the teachers to have the students actually learn the material; we, as students, just needed to “get by”.

The World of Rhetoric was a painful yet humorous experience that I will never forget. Oh those New York Times were the devil, and I cannot even count on my hands how many all-nighter parties were thrown in the effort to finish those assignments. It was for these classes that I pulled my first frantic all-nighter. It is with a silly smile that I remember being with my two BIC friends stuck in the 24 hour Prichard Silent Study Area in Moody Library the night before my first New York Times assignment was due. We were desperately looking through different days of the newspapers that we had saved, and trying to find five articles that had some correlation to each other AND to the BIC class. I don’t know how we didn’t get kicked out with all of the newspaper crinkling noises we made, and the constant whispers of “Are you almost finished yet?!?” Six hours later from when we had met up at 9 pm at night, I remember the point of us reaching hysteria. Randomly bursting out in uncontrollable laughter, we were so sleep deprived I have no idea how we made it out with our minds in one piece! Unfortunately the three of us refused to learn from the dreaded experience and ended up making an unofficial tradition that the New York Times always be done the night before and always be done as an all-nighter. Why? Ha, I have no clue, but by the end of my World of Rhetoric classes, I had fully understood what the phrase “BIC My Life” meant.

It is without doubt that I give my credit to public speaking to my World of Rhetoric I class. The day my class received the speaking assignment I was two inches from a panic attack. “A six minute speech??! Oh my god, I’m going to faint.” But sure enough, good ol’ BIC ended up proving me wrong. It had once again managed to show me that my potential for academics and life far superseded what I initially thought, and that my capabilities far superseded what I had imagined. I spoke over my experience with teaching a child with the highest level of autism how to swim, and let me tell you, I nailed it. In my mind I had thought, “Getting over the fear of speaking in front of others for an extended amount of time—check!” I also remember that this was the class that ended at 5:00 in the evening. It didn’t take long for our teacher to see that her kids were mentally exhausted by this hour of the day, so she quickly made a revision to the class room rules. We were allowed to participate in the Baylor Dr. Pepper hours, and man, did those little floats make a world of a difference.

My World Cultures classes were some of the best academic classes I could ever have asked to take. It was these classes that truly began to bring me out of the small bubble I had been living inside of for the previous 18 years of my life. The classes introduced me to a new world that was so big and exciting. I was so intrigued by the method of having two separate forms of class: small group, and large group. In large group I got to see many presentations by many different professors just on one subject. It blew me away. Who knew that you could take a class that taught you about every aspect of a culture, rather than just once concept? It was amazing! Not only was I learning about the religion of that culture, but I was learning about their art history as well? And all the while, being able to shift between the lessons in large group, where I got to sit in a pretty cool auditorium with my oh-so-awesome friends, and small group where my class got to openly discuss (a concept that I was still new to, yet quickly learning to embrace) the topics in depth with my World Cultures I teacher that required us to call him Jedi-Master Whitlark.

Oh and how can I forget, it gets even better: FIELDTRIPS. How many students can say that throughout their classes at Baylor, they got to take fieldtrips to awesome places every single semester? I know I can! These field trips were so much fun. My first year I remember learning about the Jewish religion. I remember going to visit a Jewish synagogue in Waco and getting the opportunity to sing some hymns in a different language. Well, I guess “sing” really isn’t the proper word to describe it. It was more of humming the sounds of the words because I had no idea how to pronounce them. The Rabi talked to our entire group about his religion and his devotion to it. I remember being so captivated by his love for his religion, but not knowing how to accept his religion because it was different from mine. My favorite moment from that trip was having the different Torahs laid out in front of me. All this time I had heard of the sacred scrolls and now they were sitting right in front of me; objects that were worth thousands of dollars and yet they remained absolutely priceless. I felt blessed in this moment. I was very humbled to have this man and this synagogue open up to me for my better understanding of the culture/religion.

I also remember going two more field trips that stood out extremely because I had learned to have a deep respect for the cultures that were explored. One was the field trip to Fort Worth Japanese Botanical Gardens. Going to a high school in Dallas had already allowed me to explore these gardens before, so I had already obtained a general idea of what they entailed. But when I went to view the Japanese gardens, it felt like I was truly seeing them for the first time. Throughout the course of the semester, we had learned many different things about the Japanese culture. It revolved around tradition, honor, commitment, and a deep respect for the elements of nature. And this new knowledge allowed me to look at the designs of the gardens and really understand their meanings. By this course in time, I had decided to change my major from getting a Bachelors in Biology, to a Bachelor of Arts in Architecture. I was absolutely captivated by the architectural landscape; the relationship between the ponds, hills, Zen gardens, walkways, and plants were beyond beautiful; I still have my sketches of the gardens in my sketchbook.

Another favorite field trip was taken to the Dallas Central Mosque of the Islamic Association of North Texas in Dallas. It is one thing to learn of a culture in class by reading books and looking at power point presentations in Kayser Auditorium. And it is a completely different experience to learn the culture through books, and then physically go to a setting and experience the culture first hand. The BIC program applied emphasis to this concept of learning so much, and I am truly grateful for that. Being required to read the Qur’an opened up my eyes even more to the understanding that there are people different than me; that there are cultures different than mine. The way I was raised was very black and white. And I was told many times that if it wasn’t “my” way, then it was the “wrong” way. This was what my parents had taught me all throughout my education, and I say with a thankful heart, BIC was the one to help lift the veil that had been placed over my eyes, heart, and mind. Going to the mosque was an exciting experience. I remember being very anxious to see what it had looked like on the inside, and (sad to say) what the people looked like in the inside. How did they spend their time worshiping? What did they wear and say while doing so? The discussion that took place was extremely enlightening. There was a lot of interest in the role of women in the Muslim faith and culture, and I was surprised that the lady who was answering questions was so open and honest with us as she was. She explained to us her everyday life routines and her roles in the culture. I remember being amazed by fact that she was okay with having her husband being picked for her. I absolutely respected her decision of deciding to give up her attachment to worldly things and commit to her culture and religion by always wearing a hijab in public places. I also remember being introduced to a lady who had changed her religion from being Baptist, to being Muslim. She had met and fell in love with a Muslim man and was introduced to a culture that she readily embraced and loved. At that time there was a part of me that feared for her. I was afraid that maybe God would punish her for her sin in believing in another God. But as she began to tell her story my fear slowly subsided. During that visit, I learned that the Muslim God, Allah, was just the same as my God. The story was just told a little differently. It was these moments when I could feel heart and my mind expanding. This new knowledge was so new and interesting and pure, it just made me crave for more.

The classes of Social World did not, sadly, have the same effect on me as did my other BIC classes. Social World I was a little blurry, and I don’t remember much about the actual classic philosophy. (Sorry!) The entire semester felt like my class was playing a game of “catching up”. Initially I had Dr. Thorburn as my professor and I remember him having a great sense of humor. Then next thing I knew, a couple of class days were canceled and we suddenly had a new instructor, Professor White. Unfortunately he was not accustomed to the BIC curriculum and I feel like we spent most of the time just reading the assigned books and not much time discussing them or the philosophy. By the time Social World II came around I seemed to have lost interest in the concept of philosophy all together. I thought the entire course was very loose and I remember not being able to connect a lot of the concepts of sociology to the assignments that were assigned. Although I hated the second course, I really do wish I could repeat it. I hate having the feeling of finishing a class but not really understanding what it was about.

My junior year had only required me to take one semester of a BIC class which was Biblical Heritage and Contemporary Christian Ethics. It was my first time I had the privilege of being a pupil of Dr. Tatum, and I’m so sad I have never had him for a small group before this class! Talk about a guy, who knew his stuff. I don’t think there was a single class period where my mouth wasn’t hanging open from being absolutely captivated by his discussions and stories. He had such knowledge of the Middle East during the Biblical times and everything else that I had truly begun to grow a deep respect for him throughout the semester. It sounds silly, but after the end of the semester I had officially made him a member of the “If you could have lunch with anyone (dead or alive) right now, who would it be?” list. Knowledge—he is pure knowledge. His passion about the subject allowed me to become completely engrossed in the material. His thought-provoking questions allowed me to really step back and look at the religion that I had grown up with a different set of eyes. It was the parsing of the literature in combination with understanding the actual history of that current world that transformed my vision of Christianity. It was this class that really helped me change my ways of living and thinking from a person who accepted things as they were without hesitation, to a person who analyzed and made decisions for herself. Sounds intense, but after this class, I discovered that I was no longer going to do something because I was told to; I was going to do something because I wanted to. The Christian religion was now so much more than the few Bible stories that I had learned in Sunday school. I now had discovered that there was an intense depth to the faith—one that I am still trying to fully understand and embrace.

Alas, my senior year introduced me to yet another new culture. It never stops, does it? Yoga and Philosophy in Contemporary American Culture is without doubt my favorite class I have taken in the BIC program. It’s funny, but I now understand why we needed to save this class for last. We, as students, needed to culture and mature our minds to fully be able to understand something so complex and intense, while at the same time, knowing how to cherish and respect it. I know for a fact that as a freshman, I would not be able to intellectually be able to understand the philosophy of yoga and simultaneously appreciate its concepts.

This semester for me has been extremely rough, and unfortunately as it has started coming to an end, my problems have become even worse. It was mentioned in the middle of the semester that I had an intense break up with my ex-boyfriend of 8 years. The way things had ended between him and I was awful, and hit me by complete surprise. Like any foolish girl in love, I believed he was the man I would marry. And with his cold goodbye, he took away a huge part of what I knew as myself. I tried so hard to not let my sadness and depression take over me; I had let that happen once in my life before, and because of it, I am not able to remember my life during that dark period. Everybody knows the feeling of loss and despair, and I hated it. Between October and the middle of November I felt like I was going through a monotonous routine: wake up, cry, shower, school, more crying, more school, home, even more crying and sleep.  That’s all I was able to manage, and my hurt had made me become recluse. Sitting here today, I can still say that I am hurt. I still cry in the shower, and I still have dreams that he and I are happily together. But looking back in reflection has made me realize that my spirit is different. And it turns out, this yoga class has helped me in my recovery in so many ways.

I am an extremely shy girl, who doesn’t like to put herself out there. It’s funny, but as soon as you step through that door to Morrison 100 Tuesday/Thursdays from 3:30-4:45, you have no choice but to throw that “shyness” out the door. Yoga is an extremely demanding practice both mentally and physically, and there is no way you can practice it without exposing yourself to others. (Well, in this case at least.) Although no one was really paying attention, my flexibility in certain poses and lack of balance in other poses was information made known to many. The practice of yoga helped me come out of my hole this semester. It required me to engage with others and my body, in really fun and new ways. There were many days when I would come to class with nothing to offer but silence and participation, because of my sadness. And it was actually those days, when I found myself laughing at myself for not knowing how to properly do a pose; I would find myself biting my lip and then jumping with satisfaction when I finally accomplished a semi-good version of Eagle Pose for longer than three seconds. It was through the practice of yoga that I was starting to become a part of myself again, but it was through the philosophy of yoga that I began to find my true self again. “Still the fluctuations of the mind”, I would chant while lying down in shavasana. “Just listen to the soothing mantras of Dr. Schultz, you can do it,” I would think. Who knew stilling the mind was so hard to do! Yet, it is because of this class that I now know the importance of the concept. It was through that practice of removing my mind from the distractions of the world that I could analyze my life and myself. The readings were absolutely amazing. There were many times where I would find a correlation between my life and a concept in the readings, and I would take these concepts to heart. I would carry these around with me and remind myself of them when I began to feel the slightest bit of despair. I have begun to understand the importance of mind body relationship, something that I had never before given the slightest moment of thought to.

I am greatly appreciative of the Baylor Interdisciplinary Core program. Many times I find myself bragging about my awesome experiences. I am a senior who is in her last year at Baylor. Not many of my BIC classmates are art majors, but let me tell you it is a completely different world. A studio art major lives in the art building—we don’t have a choice. We often take 2-3 studio courses a semester whose classes meet two times a week for three hours at a time. After our school day is over, we are forced to spend at least 5 more additional hours in the studio to work on our assigned projects. Often times I find myself jealous of students with other academic majors. They don’t realize what a privilege they have to be able to read their book in the comfort of their own home, or be able to take their paper with them on the trip home. Art majors don’t have this option, because our work can only be done in the studio. I can only throw a clay pot on the wheel here at school, because I don’t have a wheel at home. I can only print my intaglio or lithography print here at school because I don’t have a hot plate or press at home; the same goes for my metal sculptures and the need for the welder and plasma cutter, and my wood sculptures and the need for a ban saw. It is a world that demands nothing but your full devotion, even though you may have classes outside of the Lewis Art Building. But it was around the end of my sophomore year that I noticed a split between me and my art peers. I noticed that as we began to advance in our college careers, many, if not all, began to become more focused in their studios, and soon their degree audit would not require them to take any more liberal academic classes. But I on the other hand continued to learn in both fields. And it is because of BIC that that is possible. I feel like I can leave Baylor feeling completely satisfied. I feel like I was really able to get a full education here at Baylor; my education was very literal in the sense of it being interdisciplinary.

It is because of the BIC that I am able to accept and embrace new knowledge. It is because of BIC that I feel like I was given a true learning experience. Through the program I was offered a class setting in which the professor really cared about the students; the professor really bonded and got to know us. I was able to have discussions with my teachers and peers about materials that only helped me grow more intellectually and spiritually. I have compared BIC to every one of my other classes and they come nowhere even close. There was such a difference between BIC classes and my Greek, Biology, Physics, and other science classes. I felt that lack of connection between my classmates, professor, and I. And it only made me appreciate BIC that much more. I am truly grateful for my experience with the BIC program, and I know that I am going to miss it terribly. It has helped me grow and learn in so many different ways, and I know that I will carry every aspect of it with me for the rest of my life.

Yogananda

Although it was a very long read, I highly enjoyed the book, Autobiography of a Yogi. It is actually, I must admit, one of the few books I have read that has given me such stimulating and thought-provoking information and concepts. I loved it. Half of the time while I was reading (or trying to) I was busy sitting there in contemplation on what new chapter/paragraph I had just read. Unfortunately, because I would contemplate and try and parse every other paragraph, it only took me that much longer to get through the book.

Usually I am a very open-minded person. Throughout my years in college I have learned to never be quick to assume or judge; never be quick to immediately cross out a new idea or concept. But in all honesty, this book was so hard for me to accept/ believe. This “acceptance” and “understanding” of some topics/stories in this book were so radical, that it was impossible for me to consider and accept them as real occurrences. These new philosophies and concepts were so absurd to me, that often times I would get frustrated and mad. It felt like right and left my concept of life was being challenged. Each new chapter brought on new thoughts and new questions about my life and the narrator’s life. And it was so frustrating not to be able to immediately understand what I was reading…

There were many aspects of the book that I loved. I loved the way the author described certain parts of his life in full detail. While he was narrating small stories of his life, he made it incredibly easy to imagine the beautiful houses and gardens of India. It was so easy to paint the images of the many people in Yogananda’s life, especially his gurus and teachers, and the schools/houses in which they resided in.

I must admit, one of my favorite parts/aspects of this book was when the narrator, Yogananda, challenged philosophy. While he was beginning to seek the life of a Yogi, there were many times that he would simply question this new practice of mediation and yoga. He would explain his confused thought processes in response to something new in the philosophy he had just learned. He would show his concern and lack of understanding of the new life. It is also really funny the way the narrator explains his thoughts. Sometimes he has very elaborate phrases that I would have never been able to come up with even IF I had a dictionary in my hand. But other times he makes remarks that proves that he is still a child and simple minded. Being the person I am, I have to say it was actually relieving to read about his struggles with understanding the power of “life” and God. I felt very confused throughout the book, trying to understand what the heck was going on. And it seemed that many of his thoughts were actually mine. How could these things physically happen in real life? Why would life have to be this way than that way? Why would we want to think and live in a manner such as this? But what does it all mean in the end?

Although it was a very long book, the story of the narrator’s life was described rather fast. And to me, there was just no way while reading I could understand all of this new information so quickly! So when the narrator halted his story to explain an instance where he would have been confused with something, it was nice to catch a mental break and see that my intellectual struggles were his struggles too.

There was this very humorous part early on in the book that I read about a brief struggle of Yogananda. He was still an adolescent in his young years of life and was barely beginning on his journey to becoming a Yogi. Throughout some months he was learning about different saints and Yogis. Each saint/Yogi he spoke of each had different ways of devoting themselves to God, and when Yogananda would meet these holy people, they would show him some talents that they had received from God in return for their devotion. These gifts (or talents) are varied in many ways. One such saint the narrator spoke of was the “Perfume Saint”. This saint, in his devotion to God, has the ability to materialize different perfumes through the power of God. As young Yogananda goes to meet the saint, he notices the household the saint owns has numerous devotees and disciples surrounding him. They sit on the ground in meditation, awe, prayer, and silence; all while facing the saint. As Yogananda approaches the saint, the saint addresses him:

-“Son, would you like a perfume?”

-The narrator clearly just as confused as I am with the concept of materializing scents replies, “What for?”

-The saint, “To experience the miraculous way of enjoying perfumes of course.”

-Disgusted and thrown aback, “Harnessing God to make odors???”

-The saint not bothered by his response, “What of it? God makes perfumes anyways…”

-Very hesitant and speculative, “Can you materialize flowers?”

-“Yes, but I usually produce perfume fragrances.”

-Troubled and startled the narrator protests, “But you will put the perfume factories out of business!”

-The saint, slightly annoyed by his ignorance, “I will permit them to continue their production, but the whole purpose is to demonstrate the power of God.”

-Yogananda, now annoyed by the confusing concept of it all, “Sir….is it always necessary to demonstrate the power of God. Isn’t he performing miracles in everything and everywhere??”

-The saint now amused and calm, “Yes, but we too should manifest some of his infinite creative variety”

I thought this simple dialogue between the perfume saint and Yogananda was extremely humorous. The manner in which he questions the philosophy is just like a child’s, and definitely just like me! Lol. Just like a five year old saying, “But sir….do we have too?? We already know God can perform miracles…” to me it showed how much more the narrator needs to grow in order to understand what this whole yogic life is about. In this same story, it was also very funny the young Yogi trying to “trick” the all-knowing saint. He purposely grabbed an odorless flower to have the saint create an odor of jasmine from it. Of course the saint is instantly able to produce the smell, but it’s funny to see the narrator’s defiance. Just like me, I would have questioned the saint’s abilities versus just accepting that specific power of God. I often look back at my reactions and humor and wonder if this is how people felt about Jesus and his miracles he performed…

 Over the course of the book strange miracles are performed by various gurus. And a lot of the times, I wonder how these miracles come about. In the bible God gave Jesus the ability to perform miracles for many people, but this was because Jesus was God himself, but in flesh….I begin to wonder about the purpose of the saints and gurus. With this thought, only more questions come into mind. Why do there have to be so many saints that are able to harness these powers of god? Is it really right for them to possess such power? And in the narrator’s defense, should that power be wasted on something so miniscule like producing perfumes rather than healing people? Also, how do these sages or saints have “disciples”? It seems like these people are following the saints themselves, not the “god” that they are supposed to believe in… And who is this divine mother they speak of all the time? Why does the narrator worship and bow and kiss the sage’s feet?--This goes against my Christian belief. We shouldn’t worship the sages themselves, but rather the God that they are one with. Sometimes it seems that they are completely confused as to who God is and how they should properly worship him. I grew up in a Baptist household and to me, it is so obvious that we, as Christians, are to worship God and not the pastor or the people in the church…and reading of these gurus with magical powers only confuse me and my understanding of one’s “devotion” to God. Why does the narrator need the help of a guru to show god to him? Why can’t the narrator seek god for himself? Why does he seek this guru and pledge his life to him, the guru, rather than god himself?

And all of this actually brings up another confusion that I have… When the narrator is telling stories of his encounters with these yogis he often notes that they are talking about a “god”, such as the part where the yogi heals a blind mind “through God’s power [that never ceases]”. It is only natural for me, as a Christian, to automatically think of the God he is describing as the Christian deity, but as Dr. Schultz remarked in class one day, Hinduism has many gods. And their god, is not specially “our” god. Although I may be acting simple-minded in this, it’s hard for me to accept the fact that this “god” is not the same as my deity. It’s interesting to have this concept “pushed” on me. And interesting to see how another culture interacts with their chosen deities. Granted, I respect it immensely, but I cannot tell you how convicted I was to read about these saints with (what is to me) “useless” powers (when compared to life itself) and other gods that give these gurus the ability to read minds, appear in two places at once, levitate off of the floor when reaching a state of holy bliss, etc. Which “god” are they referring to? And if its “my” God, then why don’t I hear of people having these abilities now, in today’s time?

This is only a small glimpse of my thoughts while reading the book. Every other second I found myself scribbling more notes and questions on whatever was nearest that I could write on. Even my bathroom mirror is full of questions and writing. At the end of the book, I still naturally have questions. But with these questions aside, I did actually learn a lot about some of the philosophy of yoga. To say that I now understand it all would be a lie; I don’t think I could ever understand it within this century if I tried to, lol.

Above anything else, one must learn to embrace the fact that above anything else, God is number one. God will ALWAYS provide in every way, but first, complete surrender to him must be given. We must be able to understand that God is, in fact, simple, and everything else is complex. And we must learn to not seek the absolute values in the relative world of nature. Man must learn to free himself of all intentions. We must learn to clear our minds from the centuries of slime that we have grown accustomed to.

Sadly through this book, there was a major disappointment. The author did an excellent job of narrating his life and journey into becoming a yogi, but in the process failed to explain how the practice of yoga helped him get there—a detail that I was highly looking forward to. There was one chapter in which the author discusses the practice of Kriya yoga. (Chapter 26 I believe?) From what I gathered, I can say this about the purpose of yoga. The mind is a slave to bodily dictation, and one goal of tradition Kriya yoga was to tame the beast (that of which is the mind) from worldly rituals; the mind needs to be tamed so that it may humbly join the spiritual journey to true enlightenment. This practice of yoga forms a union between mind and body through action. The movement allows the human blood to be stimulated with extra oxygen; this oxygen creates a life current energy or a life force known as “prana”. The narrator states the importance of mental control. A way of mental control and absolute devotion is understanding the practice and meditation of the word “ohm”. It is an extremely sacred word that can convey any number of gratitude and devotion to god. It also serves as a symbol of spiritual encouragement. Another important concept of yoga is breath mastery, or pranayama. This mastery provides the mind with a stillness and cosmic consciousness. Calming the breath can help the life force to be freed for higher activities. Through the practice of Kriya yoga, the mind and body is transformed day by day through cosmic energies. In addition to prolonging one’s life and mental health, it helps untangle the mind from all of its entangled senses.

Other than this small chapter, not much more was mentioned about yoga. And although I was hoping to understand yoga the practice of yoga a little better through this book, I am satisfied that I have achieved a greater understanding of the other concept of yoga philosophy.

As I mentioned before, this book was extremely thought-provoking. There were so many questions that I had about the narrator’s stories and life journey, and so many new things to consider about my life. The end of the book brought me into deep contemplation. One of the biggest questions I have after the reading is, Who am i? and What am I doing with my life? Reading of the devotion of a yogi really has made me question and analyze my devotion to God. I have come to understand that even though I try so hard to not be like everyone else, my entirety is truly attached to this world. The philosophy of yoga express that attachment is blinding. And that it lands an imaginary halo above that which we seek. But how are we to go through life without having these attachments? And since these attachments are just a part of everyday life, how and when do we rid ourselves of these attachments to begin our spiritual journey to enlightenment?

In the end I am glad I chose this book, as boring as it may sound, it was totally an awesome read for me. I am definitely looking forward to reading the other books by Christina Sell and various other authors to try and get a better understanding of the philosophy of yoga. And from that understanding, I am excited to learn how to apply it to my everyday life. 

Humble

Practice:

Even though the semester is nearing the end, I am glad that the yoga poses are just as fresh and challenging as they were in the beginning weeks of class. Having the class day on Thursday to learn new poses was fun. But its so crazy how hard some things are! When we were doing to pose that was basically a side plank with an outstretched leg held by our "sloth fingers", my sides were and abs were totally feeling the burn lol. And by the end of those poses, I was pretty out of breath--guess that means i need to start working out more =/

Reading:

While I was reading chapters 9-12, I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe. It was actually really humbling to read how much devotion to God is really stressed. You really become aware of the deep love and devotion is present between the humble servant and God. It kind of makes me feel like a bad Christian lol. There is DEF not that much commitment between me and my God, but reading these examples of how to love and worship God gives me a renewed take on spirituality. For some reason, I really did get the urge to start being more humble and pure. Its cool to see how the readings affect me emotionally/psychologically--very intriguing. :)

A Deep Realization; The Crying in Class

Practice:

I really enjoy the open atmosphere our class has during our yoga practice. Its actually a little energizing and motivating to have a class that, for the most part, is in unison about being excited to learn a few new aspects of yoga. I appreciate that Dr. Schultz allows us to make suggestions about which yoga practices we would like to work on. It was nice to have an entire class day devoted to practicing poses that addressed specific parts of our bodies that we were having pains with or were acting rebellious in regards to our body (like our shoulders or lower backs).

Although I'm sure she would not call herself a yoga guru, Dr. Schultz's ability to understand the philosophy of yoga and yoga poses never ceases to amaze me. I thought it was totally awesome when we explained what parts of our body were bothering us and immediately she would respond with "Okay well for that area of the body we can do....." or "It is best to practice these poses....and if that doesn't work you should also try...". Pretttttyyy cool if you ask me. What was even more amazing to me was the fact that even though my shoulders or back weren't hurting previously, I could feel my muscles stretching and my joints becoming even more relaxed than they already were.

Reading Response:

Up until this week, reading the Bhagavad Gita has been really nothing more than just a reading and a appreciation for a new look on another culture. When I showed up to class and realized I had to pick a section of the book that stood out to me, I could only think of one section.

I was in a relationship with my ex for 8 years. During that time I had made him one of the biggest parts of my life; I made him my everything and, naturally, I had a vision of my future with him. It wasn't until the second week of school when I noticed that there was a distance between me and him. His new behavior was extremely different from what it had been in the summer (and the other past years); I had no idea what was going on between us, and was only left to think that maybe, just maybe, his distance was a cause from all the stress of coming back to school and the pressure for his December graduation. Three weeks ago I met him at his apartment to confront him about his behavior and three hours after I had arrived, I was sitting in my car with a broken heart crying. He dumped me. In short he ended up saying verbatim, and I kid you not, "I am only interested in myself right now. And I would rather hang out with my friends right now....I've decided that you are better off without me". I didn't see it coming. And its a phrase that literally haunts me everyday.... He hasn't talked to me since.

 When I had first read this section of chapter 3, I felt extremely mad. Anything I read and everything I saw only reminded me of him. It was always the same cycle: frustration, anger, EXTREME anger, confusion, sadness, crying, depression, more confusion, frustration.... blah blah.

But rereading the section in class brought on a response that I did not foresee. It wasn't until it was two people until my turn to read in class that I began to feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. I don't think I have ever despised someone so much in my life. I don't recall ever having this knot of anger in my chest and throat. I feel like it is so involuntary. I do not wish to have bad thoughts about others, even if they are the biggest jerks in the world.... but I hate him. How could he do this to me? How could he trick me like this and just throw me away??...... By the time my turn came, I read a version of the following passage in a choked up voice:

"It is selfish desire and anger, arising from the guna of rajas; these are the appetites and evils which threaten a person in this life."

And then before I knew it, the tears were coming, my throat completely closed up, and my emotions were out on display for the entire class AND my professor. (SUPER embarrasing -_- )Anger and selfish desire--they are the reasons that one cannot ever proceed in life. They threaten our wellbeing; threaten our sanity; corrupt our soul. And its so true! When I read the passage out loud, it became completely clear to me that I will never be able to move on in life until I rid myself of this anger and sadness. It really is holding me back. And I want nothing more than to just move on to a happier point in my life.... but its so hard. And the fact that it IS that hard is what made me cry for what was, pretty much, the rest of the day and week. I have NO IDEA how in the world I was able to keep my emotions at bay for the remainder of the class period...'cause let me tell you, it would have been bad if I wouldn't have.

Who knows how long this process will take. But these readings are actually helping me out in further understanding myself and some aspects in life. Sorry if I may have made the class awkward for a moment or two!

Post of the Week:

Reading: 

The concept of reincarnation is so interesting to me. I thought it was funny to see that I wasn't the only one in class who is somewhat confused by the subject. The in-class discussions always stimulate my thinking. The problem is, is that as soon as I am introduced to a new concept, I want to immediately understand all of it, right then and there. And what is most frustrating to me in this class, is having NO CLUE on how to understand these sutras -_- At first when we are introduced to these sutras at the beginning of class I am completely lost. And the only thing going through my mind is ".....What??? ughhhh...and what does THIS mean??" And then some of my questions are answered when Dr. Schultz is briefly explaining the sutras, but my problem is, not being able to understand these sutras as a whole. I feel like over the next few weeks I will barely be able to understand these sutras and then, wham!, we get introduced into another set of yoga philosophy excerpts! How do I handle it all??

Practice:

It's crazy how stiff my body becomes when I miss a class of yoga! Last class I was really struggling to do all the "simple" stretches like downward facing dog and the triangle poses. Ugh! Lol. It was definitely something I was not used to.

So this past weekend I went up to Dallas and brought back my puppy to stay with me in Waco. And  while I was doing my homework I noticed him get up from his cat nap and stretch the infamous pose we have all been trying to conquer: downward facing dog. It was funny because as soon as I saw him do this, I  immediately got up from my seat and sat down by him and tried to study his form for as long as I could before he resumed his normal stance. And let me tell you, I was AMAZED! My puppy completely shifted ALL of his weight to his behind like it was NOTHING. So I tried the pose myself to see how far I could get, and sadly I have to say, I was no where close. I thought it was really funny to get pushed back into that reality of understanding that yoga takes a lot more practice than what I do during class time. (Most of the time in class, I get fooled into thinking that the poses I'm doing are spot on to the correct form and technique. It isn't until I get corrected by Dr. Schultz, or my puppy, that I realize I still have a long way to go.) So after this revelation, I realized that 1.) I pretty much suck at downward dog, lol and 2.) I need to take yoga into a daily practice of at least two poses (one of them being downward dog) in order to, I feel, truly start understanding the poses and why they help us achieve self acknowledgement. In order to start on this, I vowed to my puppy, that for every time he decided to stretch in his dog-like ways, I would attempt to do a proper downward facing dog pose. Who knows how long this will last though! He seems to stretch at least once every hour that I'm with him. lol.

: One :

Reading:

Well that's surprising! I would have never guessed that the book we have to read (HOY) is SO easy to read! It almost feels like I am in elementary school reading some easy comprehension book that I picked out from the book fair. But although I like how it is an easy read, I am wanting something with a little more complexity to the story. =/

I think it is nice how the journey that the captain is going through somewhat parallels our journey as students. Its nice to be able to receive another explanation of what yoga means for the body and mind. (Dr. Schultz gives us an understanding in class through her discussion and guidance, we learn a small understanding of yoga through the practice itself, and then another understanding through the narrative of the story.)

Discussing the sutras in class only produced more questions than answers. -_- Are we always in some state of yoga? Is it really possible to still the fluctuations of the mind? I asked Dr. Schultz if she had ever been able to "abide in her own true nature" and she said yes. But how do you get there? What does it feel like? How long does it usually take one to get there? ?????!! ugh. I know it was the first day of learning, but sure seems like a really confusing place to start :(

Practice:

THERE IS NO WAY I CAN STAND ON ONE LEG!!! its crazy! I tried SO HARD and I just kept wobbling! (And it completely gave my calfs major cramping...) It was still fun though. :) The next day I kept on wondering "Why am I so sore??? Surely it can't be from the yoga--I barely did anything!" After the yoga practice I was walking back to my car and realized that my body felt energized. I felt like I had an awareness of all my muscles that I never bothered to notice before? Ha. kind of cool :)

: Intro :

Soooooooo..."Parsing Yoga" is the blog I will be using to express my thoughts and understandings of this class. Hopefully, my posts will interest some of you and/or offer some other perceptions that you, yourself, had not originally come across through the class practice and readings.

A little bit about me:

My name is Brooke Martinez. I live in Rowlett, TX (45 min. east of Dallas) and love taking trips home to see my family and puppy. I'm super chill, and pretty shy. But like anybody says, "once you get to know me, I'm pretty fun". I am a senior majoring in Architecture and although I would love to graduate this upcoming spring with my fellow classmates, my major requires me to continue taking my 5th year of college at Washington University in St. Louise, Missouri. All by myself. :(

I'm not really a huge blogger/computer person, so this experience will be fairly new and somewhat challenging. (I can't even keep up with Facebook/Twitter/ or person texting on my phone.) I originally took this Capstone because it was the only one that worked with my schedule. I have to admit, at first, I was really sad to not be able to take a class with Tatum. I took a class with him for the first time of my BIC career last semester and really liked his teaching style and character. He was awesome.

SO, when I signed up for this course, I was already in bad spirits--anything with the word PHILOSOPHY in the title reminds me of that God-awful Social World class I took a few years ago; I felt like I learned nothing in that class when that semester ended. -_-

Once Dr. Schultz put the syllabus on BlackBoard for us during the summer, I was pretty excited to see that instead of talking about philosophy every class day for 50-75 min and practicing yoga for 15-20 min, the course was, in fact, the other way around. I have never had the chance to practice yoga before, let alone, think about the philosophy that corresponds with it. Being able to learn yoga techniques and actually understand what it means is pretty exciting for me. I know it sounds cheesy but at the end of this semester I hope to appreciate life more. From what I've heard, yoga isn't easy to master. It requires strength, persistence, practice, patience, and understanding. I'm pretty sure that if I can actually learn to use these skills together for the yoga practice, I can obtain an understanding as to how to use these skills properly in the "outside world".

I guess we'll have to see where I end up in a few months!